the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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