Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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