if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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