Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
