Your mouth is God's brothel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He did a backflip because drugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize