Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
