Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
