glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
