Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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