A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
