ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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