i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
