I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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