Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize