think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
