So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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