I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
