Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
