She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
