You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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