My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
