She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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