bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
