and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
