I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
