She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
