Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
