i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
well you can't waste a boner
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
