he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
