Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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