1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize