guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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