He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
