You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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