Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
