Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
