Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
