Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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