Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
