I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
