Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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