What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
be right there i have to get my cape
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
