mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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