I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
