Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize