She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
