your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
