Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Congratulations! We have a period
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
