you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
