dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
