when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
