I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
