I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
