so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize