I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize