And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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