OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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