You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
