How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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