Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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