I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
