and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
