Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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