I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
