Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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