Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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