bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize