Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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