if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize