goodnight i made you a song goodbye
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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