how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
