This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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