I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
