That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize